#103: Why Would Anyone blow a candle?

A year of learning about motivation + what's next

Bonjour, thoughtful reader!

One year and one day ago, I published the first post of this newsletter, Why Would Anyone. This was weeks after winning the Attuned writer fellowship, a year-long programme that sponsored me to explore and write about intrinsic motivation and provided access to professional mentors.

This sweet gig has allowed me to try things out: new topics and formats, self-editing, planning and developing my own media project. I spoke with and learnt from established authors and scholars: Nir Eyal, Ayelet Fishbach, Dan Pink and Amy Edmondson, among many others. I’ve written about subjects as varied as team building, extreme rock climbing and donating one’s body to science.

102 posts later, it’s time to reflect on what I’ve learnt.

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

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1. What I’ve learnt about intrinsic motivation

When I wrote my first post, I viewed intrinsic motivation as a big, shining beacon that could—nay, should—guide our daily actions and decisions into a state of heightened clarity and presence. I pictured intrinsic motivation as something one either did or didn’t possess. (In that binary scenario, I didn’t have much of it.)

After exploring the subject for a year, and speaking with several psychology researchers and other experts, I understand things a little differently. There isn’t a caste of intrinsically motivated beings moving effortlessly through life, and then the robotic rest of us, hooked on cheap praise and rewards. There is a spectrum of different motivations, which will come into play depending on the activity and circumstances. At times, we might be pushed by extrinsic reasons (e.g. paying taxes on time to avoid late fees), or moved by our intrinsic drive (e.g. singing the Waka Waka in the shower when no one’s listening). Many times, we’ll be somewhere in between—and that’s not a moral failure.

I still consider myself a people-pleaser, slowly peeling off layers of social conditioning to uncover recover my intrinsic motivation. If you also feel disconnected from your inner drive and unsure where to start, I believe there are a few things you can pay attention to (forgive me if it all sounds obvious! This stuff is simple, but not easy):

• Yourself. Let’s start with your body. Are you comfortable as you read this? Are your shoulders tense, your feet cold? What gives you energy, what depletes you? I once quoted Martha Beck as saying: “If it feels really good, maybe do more of that and you’ll get confidence in yourself. If it feels horrible, maybe do less of that and you’ll get confidence in yourself.” It can be small, yet significant—being more self-aware doesn’t mean you have to suddenly quit your job or spend 10,000 hours learning the harp.

• Your boundaries. To assert what comes from us, it helps to know where we end and where other folks (“society!”) begin. This is closely linked to the paragraph above, but I’m giving it its own bullet point because it is important and not as obvious as it seems. Maybe your kid loves Lego, and just seeing the damn bricks makes you yawn. Maybe your parents are proud of your prestigious job—and your company is paying you good money—but it doesn’t feel quite right to you.

• Your environment. The words intrinsic and extrinsic might bring a little confusion here. Intrinsic motivation doesn’t exist in a vacuum; it needs a nutritious environment that encourages our autonomy. I don’t mean vapid cheerleading, but people who care about our perspective and don’t push their own agenda onto us—be they parents, friends, teachers, bosses, colleagues, or strangers on the internet.

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2. What I’ve learnt about writing a newsletter

I had a few worries at the beginning of the newsletter: Will I be able to come up with enough ideas? Will it be a slog sometimes? Will people think I’m a fraud? These fears haven’t materialised! Here’s what I think helped:

• Being interested. D’uh! It’s hard to write hundreds of posts about something that bores you. I like learning about intrinsic motivation in the first place, in particular about how it applies to parenting and creativity. I allowed myself to follow those (and other) interests as often as possible.

• Having a structure. A month into the project, my Attuned mentor suggested rotating between formats: Three Things posts (using outside inspiration and sources to cover a range of topics) + essays and interviews. This structure has made the workload more predictable and sustainable, giving me a consistent framework to fall back on during motivation dips.

• Embracing exploration. As a journalist, I’m trained to seek balance and authority. Writing frequent newsletter posts called for a different approach, favouring regularity over perfection, choosing and approaching my subjects like a columnist rather than like a news writer. I’ve gradually learnt to be okay with sharing a work-in-progress rather than seeking immediate, definitive answers.

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3. What I’ve learnt about growing an audience

If writing a newsletter sometimes seems like an easy, lucrative side hustle, it isn’t. Building a readership on Substack (or elsewhere) can be done, even from scratch, but it's usually a slow and unpredictable process. Plenty of newsletter folks write good content for a well-defined niche and do all the “right” things to promote it, but still don’t grow a large audience, let alone earn a significant income from it. 

What I’ve learnt echoes the points I raised above about intrinsic motivation:

• Why do you write? What do you enjoy writing about? In the face of an uncertain outcome, you’d better enjoy the actual writing process and be genuinely interested in your subject matter. I for one prefer to spend time crafting and sharing posts that I care about, with the input of people whose work I admire, than churning out pieces that are supposed to “do well” or help “build my platform” (and then make myself promote them with a meh in my heart). My “best” posts—the ones I enjoyed writing, and seemed to resonate with readers—were usually the ones I needed to read myself: writing them helped me to figure out / formulate something for myself first.

• There are no rules for success (a.k.a. ‘know thyself’ and all that). As a newbie, I got lost in all the blog posts and how-to guides laying out recipes for a fast-growing list of subscribers in X easy steps¹. But there is no secret sauce that will work for every project. I’m learning to try things out according to my own criteria, tastes and tendencies, instead of from a place of duty or out of fear of getting it wrong. I try to pay attention to what feels good, important and sustainable for me and my life circumstances. When in doubt, I ask myself: Do I like this as a reader? Do I enjoy this as a writer? When in a lot of doubt, I seek opinions from a few people I trust and respect.

This brings me to:

• Newsletter writing needn’t be a solo enterprise. Can you seek help (paid or bartered) from your peers and from experts in other fields? For example, I was lucky to get input in graphic design and in sound editing and mixing to create Why Would Anyone’s podcast episodes. This gave me a boost of ideas and quality and saved me precious time. I also joined Substack’s Go programme, which led me to a fab group of fellow Substack writers². Regular meetings with folks who get it and want the best for each other have made the journey much lighter.

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4. What’s next

Tending to our intrinsic motivation is not a finite outcome we can achieve once and for all, but an open-ended process of discovery. For me, it has percolated into slight changes of perspective, moments of enjoyment, and generally working with what I am rather than trying to shoehorn myself into what I should be. I'm excited to keep up that spirit of exploration and learning, and grateful that you're following the journey.

In practice:

• What’s next for Why Would Anyone? Now that my Attuned sponsorship is ending, I’ll keep writing this newsletter at a slower pace. If you’re having a good time here, feel pleased to open my emails, and learn something from them, you now have the option to show your appreciation for my work in money by clicking the button below for a paid subscription. I am not adding a paywall—Why Would Anyone is free to read—let’s call it a generous tip jar, okay? 🥰

• Introducing Home Mixed Home! Following my intrinsic motivation, I decided to explore the joys and challenges of living in a multicultural family in Home Mixed Home, a separate newsletter that I launched last month. If you’re part of a mixed family, I hope you’ll join us and will tell your multiculti pals. You can read and subscribe below:

Thank you for being here and till next time 💛

1. If you must read one such post, make it this one. (You’re welcome!)

2. Big up to our Go team: Caitlin Mallery of Caitlin’s Chats, Glenn Cook of Our Reality Show, Hope Henchey of Family Scripts, Jessica Wilen of A Cup of Ambition, Olivia Mardwig of For the Love of Words, and Sarah Miller of Can We Read.