#57: Three Things that got me thinking
šŖ Philippa Perry + šøLou Doillon + š·social distancing
Hello everyone,
Letās get straight into the Three Things that made me think about intrinsic motivation in the past days: parenting wisdom; reasons to perform music; and a global experiment on motivating social distancing.
1. Define yourself
Iām slowly re-reading The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did), by psychotherapist Philippa Perry. (I think the book can be useful to nurture empathetic relationships in general, not just those between parent and child.)
This quote applies to many other everyday situations (say, trying to curb your nephewās enthusiasm at the drums, or telling your heartbroken housemate that they āneed to get out thereā):
We say things like, āYouāve got to turn off the television at the end of this programme because youāve watched too much.ā By doing that, you are defining the child. No one likes to be defined or told what they need when they donāt think they need it. In this case what you really mean is āI donāt want the television on any more so I will be turning it off after this.ā It is not only okay to self-define rather than pretend to them (and to yourself) that you are being objective, it is good modelling for them. You are showing them that you are listening to your feelings, working out what you want from what you feel, then you are going for it.
2. Dance, goddammit
I did kinda āknowā Lou Doillon (Iāve seen pictures in magazines and know about her famous family) but wasnāt familiar with her musicālet alone with what motivates her to create and perform.
In an interview (in French) with Fanny Ruwet1, Doillon talks about her self-talk when sheās on stage:
Nobody cares. Do it. Scream. Dance, goddammit. Iām not a dancer, I havenāt rehearsed any moves. Well, exactly. Be that girl you liked when you were little, the one who climbed on the tables at the bar and danced for herself. Live your thing.
That may be the only reason why I, as a teenager, paid 15 quid to see people on stage. The only artists I liked seeing on stage are the ones who lived for themselves and who seemed free. I mean free of yourself, of the Oh, what will they think? Are you pretty when you do this? Is your voice pretty? [ā¦] When you manage to free yourself from all of that and to just live in the momentānow that is a liberation.
She also explains how those reasons changed over time2:
When I started out, I needed love. And soon I got annoyed by it. I was embarrassed that people paid 20 quid3, found a sitter and a parking spot toāon top of thatāreassure me. It didnāt seem really honest to me. Quite quickly, I tried to do all I could so that people left [my concerts] with the euphoria of feeling full of themselves, of having taken something from me. Taken music, taken pleasure, taken joy. Taken their own tears, their own joy, their own dance moves, and to go home with that.
Give > Take; that seems like an honest deal indeed.
3. Shame < Agency
Trying to shame or scare people into public health compliance can backfire. Thatās the sensible conclusion of a large, global study about social distancing messages at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic4.
People who were told what they must (or mustnāt) do tended to feel more defiant than those who received more positive messages, promoting individual choice and agency. The effects were āsmallā but consistent with previous research on health messaging campaigns, says the study, which involved 25,718 participants in 89 countries.5
The researchers compared the response to an āautonomy-supportiveā message on social distancing with the response to a restrictive, ācontrolling messageā, or to no message at all6:
results suggest that intentions to adhere to social distancing recommendations were explained more by peopleās existing motivations and perceptions of viral risk than the messages used in this study. From this data, we can conclude only that autonomy-supportive versus controlling aspects of messages urging social distancing mattered in terms of affecting public sentiments toward social distancing (e.g., increasing feelings of defiance), but not peopleās intention to carry it out. Even so, public sentiment plays a key role in supporting public health measures and in the effectiveness of managing health emergencies.
Knowing that our feelings and perceptions of risk matter, and that shaming and pressuring donāt work long-term isnāt much of a shocker. But confirming that across such a big, diverse sample is pretty neat.
Yes, yet another quote from Ruwetās podcast Les Gens Qui Doutent, because I keep finding nuggets in her conversations/interviews.
Doillon explains that sheās also loved concerts with artists whom she feltāat least some years agoāneeded to be buoyed up by the audience, like Cat Power or Timber Timbreās Taylor Kirk.
That can also be very moving. Iām really talking about my way, about how I want to do it. Itās very, very personal. We all do this for different reasons. [ā¦] I didnāt want to be a little fragile thing. I didnāt like that idea of myself. These werenāt the girls who made me want to make music. Itās Catherine Ringer, PJ Harvey, Nina Hagen, who made me want to make music. Unfortunately I donāt have their kind of strength, but in my own way, I want to fill people with a sort of power to be themselves.
Did she adjust for inflation?
Last month, the study was accepted for publication in the venerable peer-reviewed journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, after being published as a pre-print last year.
They completed an online survey between April and September 2020, so there was likely some COVID message fatigue going on in that period.
Specifically, those in the autonomy-supportive message condition read an article that provided (a) perspective taking (e.g., acknowledging how difficult it is to alter oneās daily life), (b) a meaningful rationale (e.g., explaining why social distancing is effective and important for slowing transmission), and (c) a sense of having choice over oneās own behavior within the practical constraints of the situation. In comparison, those in the controlling message condition read an article that paired information with coercion, shame, and pressure, including the use of demanding language such as āshouldā and āmustā. Finally, those in the no-message condition did not read any message; instead, they directly responded to the outcome measures.