#7: Why Would Anyone do their homework on a Sunday night?

Procrastinating + craving relationships

It’s Sunday night as I write this, and my Monday post is overdue.

It reminds me of my school years, hand-writing essays in a light trance late at night, pulling all-nighters just before exams.

That is, until I studied subjects that I chose and enjoyed, and Poof! I became a person who could hand in assignments in advance and stick to a self-imposed revision schedule without elaborate tricks. It didn’t always feel easy, but it felt unforced.

I remember thinking, in wonderment: That’s what it’s like when you love what you’re studying!? Wow.

Photo by Pedro da Silva on Unsplash

Last Friday, I wrote briefly about the three basic psychological needs that allow intrinsic motivation to prosper¹. From that point of view, I can now understand the precious times when I had the ingredients to kick procrastination and experience those Wow moments as a student:

1. Autonomy: being able to pick my courses, assignment topics, formats

2. Competence: doing coursework that was just the right amount of challenging

3. Relatedness: even if I completed an assignment alone, I felt connected with lecturers who cared and whom I liked and belonged to a fun, supportive group of students (plus flatmates and college societies etc.)

With this newsletter, I get a ton of 1), a good deal of 2) but not much 3) YET! Maybe that explains, partly, why I end up doing some last-minute work?

Procrastination is a lonely word

I’ve been self-employed for a decade, working from home alone most of that time. But I do need harmonious social relationships² to be happy and reach my goals at work—essentially, working with/around people who are kind and whom I like.

As a freelance journalist, each article I write for a magazine involves speaking with several contributors, working with an editor to shape and improve the story, plus one copy-editor, and possibly a top-editor and designers. Even online, these can turn into meaningful, durable relationships.

For this newsletter, I also interview people but write, format, and publish posts alone. However, I’m lucky to be able to reach out to my fellowship mentors, and can potentially build a closer, more direct line with you readers 💛

Do you also need quality social relationships to thrive at work, but complete your tasks mostly alone?

Some ideas for you (a.k.a. things I’d like to do more of myself):

• Join online professional groups, formal or informal. Whatever your niche is, I’m pretty sure there are relevant groups for you online (if not, could you set one up yourself?). Even lurking a few minutes here and there can give you useful information and a sense of belonging. Groups that have been helpful to me in recent years include:

  • the association of science journalists in my home country

  • the (international) Society of Freeelance Journalists on Slack

  • the (primarily UK-based) Doing It For The Kids community of freelance parents on Facebook

• Work in a shared online space: Using FocusMate (which is like ChatRoulette for co-working) has IMMENSELY improved my focus and mood and is $5 well spent every month. I also know friends who organise Shut up and write sessions on Zoom.

• Ask friends, (former) colleagues, fellow freelancers for help and help them back. You could, say, barter a 15-minute proofreading task for a quick phone call to talk through a work dilemma.

• Join in-person professional groups and events, COVID restrictions permitting. (I mentioned my local group of self-employed women in this post.)

• Work in a shared physical space: I rented a desk in a co-working space for a while, and it was lovely to have office mates (and occasional office drinks) again³.

• Find/keep mentors and actually reach out to them.

Here’s what you could do to help me create meaningful connections through this newsletter:

• If you like a particular post, hit the ♡ button. (Only subscribers can do that. If you haven’t already, subscribe!) It helps me to know which content is most interesting/relevant to you. It also feels like an online hug.

• Some of you have been sending me ideas, book references, podcasts, personal observations, or just two-word emails (“Love this”). Please keep doing that—it’s precious! If you don’t want to comment publicly, just reply to one of my emails and it’ll get straight to me.

• Word of mouth is real! Don’t underestimate the power of your forwarding one of my newsletters to your friend/sibling/colleague/favourite WhatsApp group with a quick note so they can subscribe, too. I’ll do my best to make it worth their while.

1. According to Self-Determination Theory. I’ll write about this again!

2. When I applied for the fellowship that funds my time to write this newsletter, I had to complete Attuned’s intrinsic motivators assessment and social relationships came clearly on top. It’s a short, illuminating exercise—I (honestly!) recommend it.

3. Working from cafés or libraries helps to change scenery but, in my experience, rarely creates genuine interactions or accountability.